I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
