Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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