I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
