Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
