are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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