Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
