She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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