my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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