I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
