God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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