did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Randomize
