is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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