his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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