Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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