If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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