I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
