i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
