You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
