tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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