pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We need a shit load of segways right now
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
