What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
