i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
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