She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
