you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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