listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
