Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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