So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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