Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
