I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
