see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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