Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
