i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I came so hard my ears popped.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
