tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
