Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So many bounce houses so little time
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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