I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
