i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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