I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
