Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
