Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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