i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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