did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
