He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
