Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
