is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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