Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize