I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
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im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
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Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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