It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
