I'm really into asian looking animals
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
