Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize