Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I could fuck to npr.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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