I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
