Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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