had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i came on her dog
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
