Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
