Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
