Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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