We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Panties = found
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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