i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
