I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
