P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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