All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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