so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
