Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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