I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
