Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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