I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize