1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I love you. Go after that dick
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
