The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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