so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize