I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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