if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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