oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
