seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
