yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
