U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
