Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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