Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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